last call, last call, last call (yet even more awp bits) (for eduardo c. corral)

once someone asked me during a game of truth or dare: "What quality would you want to be remembered for that you do NOT possess?" And this is what I said: to be able to dance. whenever i first meet someone, i always imagine what they dance like, and no matter what i think, it always makes me appreciate them in a way i hadn't expected. i wonder if people go to the final party/dance here.
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the benu press reception went well. i always get nervous about those things. i forgot to brush my teeth as i always do. but no one seemed to notice. all i know is a nice number of good people showed. thank you all for coming! and for making me realize people won't resist me as long as i can offer them a free drink ticket.
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this conference made me realize how much i miss people who are pretentious. i teach in upstate new york and my students are often first generation rural upstate new york kids. they're the furthest thing from haughty. this is a good thing and a problem. they reject poetry out of hand: it's not for the masses, it's elitist. they have a point, but i don't care. i want to help them become snobs. or at least more curious. can you teach curiosity? i think you can.
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i went to the university of utah reception. i saw my first graduate creative writing teacher: melanie rae thon. this was at syracuse. during my first semester of grad school, i went through a serious depression (i didn't know that's what it was at the time.). i couldn't write. all i did was sleep literally twenty out of twenty-four hours a day, and eat macaroni and cheese. one time i went to her office to talk about a story and i started to cry. she shut the door, turned off the lights, and held me. i think of her as an angel.
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are there any restaurants who serve great macaroni and cheese? it's my favorite food.
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when i finally went up to melanie in the middle of the utah reception, i started to cry. it wasn't subtle. one friend from grad school said, "i forgot how sentimental you are." this is what i love about melanie: i just wanted to hold her and have a moment of silence with her. i didn't want to talk to her, and she knew that, what is there to say?
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without words, i wanted to say i'm here in the world and i think of you. i would never have become a writer without you.
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my weight is really starting to get to me.
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i drank two nights in a row. the first night with my new favorite person and the second with a group of people and we went bar-hopping. i love hearing someone say, "last call." Last call! Last call. Do you hear it?
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i think i might stay in the hotel tonite alone. i've run out of friends to hang out with and i need to stop drinking. the movie "daybreakers" is on pay-per-view-- it's the vampire movie starring ethan hawke. i love ethan hawke. "before sunset" is one of my all-time favorite movies. i like to watch it alone. that movie has one of the best ending ever.
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my first undergraduate poetry teacher is here. laurence leiberman. how old is this man? he has a new article about hart crane in the latest american poetry review. i haven't read it yet. it's very long and dense looking. i can tell i'm going to want to read it with a pen in my hand and take notes. how does he still write these exhaustive pieces at his age? i said to him, "next time i see you, you better be walking with a cane."